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Sunday - 12:20 p.m.

My laptop is acting funny again, and I think I now know the reason why.

What I’m less sure of is if I have so much as completely lost my faith in God, or if I've just sort of misplaced it. Maybe it's in my junk drawer under the big bag of rubber bands, surrounded by a bunch of dead batteries and expired coupons.

I went to Catholic school from Kindergarten all the way through 12th grade, and I never doubted God the entire time I was there. When my brother was killed saving some children from a wild mountain lion, I still believed in God. The day after my parents were murdered, I still believed in God.

So when exactly after that did I lose my faith?

I was an altar server for seven years and never had any sort of bad experiences. I went to college and studied the great philosophers; Plato, Buddha, Nietzsche, St. Thomas Aquinas; and even after I determined that ninety percent of what they had to say, was complete and utter horse-shit, I still believed in God.

I mean, even after I spent an entire week stranded in rural Georgia, I still thought that God existed. So, when did I just stop believing?

Did I lose my faith, or did I throw it away?

This morning, a few hours ago actually, I had a meeting with my Department Chair, at the university where I'm a part-time adjunct. I found that there is a very good reason why they have not given me a new contract yet. One of the professors, who I had for several classes (back when I was still taking classes), and had become not only my mentor but also a friend, is taking a leave of absence.

This professor has helped me grow into maturity and is the only reason why I continued my involvement in a graduate teaching capacity at the school after my parents’ death. He encouraged me to seek righteousness, to always hunt for the truth. He taught me to see things, not just look at them. Now, he has been diagnosed with a rare form of cancer that has already progressed to stage three and has recommended that I take over the teaching of his classes this semester while he is away seeking treatment.

Classes begin tomorrow. If the board approves my appointment, I have accepted the task.

I also know why my laptop is back to reading the time as only 12:20. I didn't realize it until I re-read the letter that I found inside the trunk that Shannon had left me in her will.

12:20 is the exact time when Shannon died.

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