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Wednesday - 10:56 p.m.

It was really hard not to be reminded of death today.

Sometimes I think Death is following me. I keep turning around to catch her back there, but Death keeps ducking away around corners and hiding behind the couch.

Everyone I have ever cared about has either died or is dying. My parents were murdered. My younger brother died fighting a forest fire, and they never found his body. My college mentor has been diagnosed with an extremely rare form of cancer, and he's at his home dying right now. My oldest brother died on a camping trip saving children from a mountain lion.

That’s all pretty rough, but it’s nothing compared to what happened to my sister. I was the one who found her. She hadn't shown up for work, and I had to go and break into her apartment to find her.

I can remember that her eyes were still open.

Add to all of that Shannon, my first high school girlfriend, who recently committed suicide, and it’s pretty obvious that Death is following me. She's following me, and one of these days I'll whip around in time to catch her before she has a chance to dash out of sight.

I'll be all, "hey! Death! what the fuck?!" and she'll be all "I wasn't doing nothing."

And that's when I'll call Death out for using a double negative and vanquish her from my life for good.

Until then, she lurks behind me.

Maybe I should just leave. Is it time to emulate the likes of some of my heroes, Brautigan and Kerouac, and go out on a grandiose adventure, or is it just time to simply get the hell out of Dodge without all the metaphoric drama?

I wonder if that will stop all this death? Will that help me reclaim my soul? Will that save Elkie from the death that follows me?

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